Dec. 25,1944
Darling,
Christmas occasions thoughts of warmth, of friendship, of giving--It says in all
the papers!!--The spirit of the holiday, whether it be Chanukah, Christmas, or what
have you is a noble and satisfying one. You and I agree that to give and love but once a
year is close to the ridiculous--We, at least know the happiness of Christmas all year
'round. The pleasure of giving is ever present with us. It is not so much with the material
creations that we reward each other but each day we give a little of ourselves to each
other.--
It would sound inane for me to speak of how "different" our love is-- Somehow
ours fills all the requirements. Poems, songs, stories of love and eternal devotion were
written about everlasting, enduring, powerful affections such as the one which holds us
together --
Don't mind the overdose of sentimentalism--Maybe it's the night--the radio
which moans "Little Town of Bethlehem"--Perhaps the carols the men sang--or the
quiet tropical night with the cool breeze and twinkling stars-- or the remoteness of
home-- the loneliness of the moment--Yes today we had a community of thought. All
the men--together--in a community of homesickness ---- do not think harshly--or
scoff at our childishness--We have so little--so little else but dreams --
It is difficult at present to be the cold, the practical.--Even more is it hard to be
humorous or laugh-- to joke--I cannot say where we are, what we are doing, what we
will do--there's been so much between us unsaid and undone--So much of our lives
missed -- 'Stelle, for my part in this denial--I beg forgiveness--For my part in being
such a fool, such a child --Will you understand? Sweetheart-Would I were with you so
that I could tell you of these things. That I have contributed to your unhappiness--
again--I humbly request you try and be patient with me--I would like to fill the air with
plans, dreams, hopes -- But 'Stelle -- all there is, is a choking in the chest--Every once
in awhile a guy gets himself overcome by despair; despondency overwhelms him.--it is
so-oo long--so very very long --
I love you darling, --whatever happens--be happy--that's my only request--get
everything we would have liked--fill your life --(er--only keep my little niche open--
so if I ever get home--I'll know there's one place waiting for me-- my corner of the
world--Let it be a small alcove in your heart--put a comfortable chair there and always
keep a warm fire glowing--Because if I come home in any recognizable form I'll head
directly for that chair --That's where I belong--that's my home-- with you) .
Stelle, it's not weakness, it's not softness--it's a fact--I need you!!--I need you!!
I need you!!--
Enough of this--I love you --"extensively"
Your
Sid
